Two Wishes

Quick & Easy Group Shots

[Typepad's going through some ... er ... growing pains ... at the moment.  Edited to try to fix the cut-off pictures -- sorry!]

Immediately after our ceremony and bubble exit, we took group photos.  Punam Bean has a documentary style, and we weren't interested in a ton of traditional shots anyway.  But you've got to have a few, just to be sure you get everyone together in one photo.

I loved Punam's style for the wedding party shots.  She basically lined us up and said, "Talk amongst yourselves."  I think the results are much more fun than photos with everyone smiling stiffly at the camera, yet more genuine than elaborate poses that aim to show "fun."  It was also quick -- about 20 minutes for the wedding party plus 3 families.




This style might not be for everyone -- e.g., someone who'd be bothered by the best man scratching his eyebrow in a shot.  But we enjoy them for their energy.


(Mr T's beautiful sister) 


(Something more traditional)

The family shots are funny because Mr T and I couldn't stop smooching.  We were so excited to be married! 


(With my mother ... and showing off the basketball injury by Mr T's right eye)

(With my father, stepmother, and grandparents)

Luckily, we do have at least one with each family where we ARE looking (mostly) at the camera....

(With Mr T's family)

However, we forgot to take any photos with all families together.  My mother informed me later that it's standard, but it just never occurred to us.  Guess we're not used to "combined" thinking yet....  (Oh well, that's why they invented photo collages!)

How do you plan to approach the group shots?

The Playlist That Never Was

Thanks for all your kind comments on our iPod disaster, everyone!  As long as I mentioned my much-obsessed-over playlists, here they are.  If they can help anyone else's song-choice process, maybe they'll serve some purpose!

But first a story/tip.  By now, most everyone knows the standard music advice like "pay attention to the lyrics" (some seemingly romantic songs are actually quite depressing when you listen to the words), and "choose short songs" (you don't want to be dancing for ever ... and ever ... and ever).  But one that's often overlooked is to pay special attention to the START of each song. 

This is particularly true for key songs like processionals, recessionals, and the first dance.  People respond best if the song catches their attention from the start.  For example, for our recessional, we considered "So Happy Together," by the Turtles.  But there's a whole verse before it hits the happy, uplifting chorus.  By then we would have been down the short aisle and gone.

My dad once told me a story that's the ultimate illustration of this phenomenon.  Back in his younger days, some friends chose as their recessional a popular song at the time -- "Joy to the World," by Three Dog Night.  The chorus -- "Joy to the world, all the boys and girls" -- was fitting.  But if you know the lyrics, you may know what's coming next: The guests were spectacularly confused when the couple was introduced, they turned to make their grand exit, and the FIRST line of the song burst jubilantly forth.  That's right:  "JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG"!

Keep it in mind, dear readers.  Keep it in mind.

And without further ado, the playlist:

Love Songs (Pre-Ceremony)

• I'm in the Mood for Love -- Vera Lynn (from Lolita)
• I've Got a Crush on You -- Steve Tyrell
• Night and Day -- Sondra Lerche
• I'm Glad There is You -- Sarah Vaughan
• The Nearness of You -- Norah Jones
• Let There Be Love -- Nat King Cole
• You'd Be So Nice to Come Home To -- Sheila Jordan
• I Concentrate on You -- Fred Astaire
• You Go to My Head -- Frank Sinatra
• All of My Love -- Eric Bibb (cute wedding-y lyrics)
• I Could Write a Book -- Dinah Washington
• Crazy He Calls Me -- Dakota Staton
• Let's Get Lost -- Chet Baker
• Sea of Love -- Cat Power
• Beyond the Horizon -- Bob Dylan
• Hello Love -- Blossom Dearie
• Unforgettable -- Aretha Franklin

Processional

• Wedding party:  Pachebel's Canon in D (on six-string guitar, for a bit of a change)

• My entrance:  Mendelsohn's String Symphony No. 4 -- Andante

Recessional

• Higher and Higher -- Jackie Wilson

Cocktail Hour

• My First My Last My Everything -- Barry White
• Can't Take My Eyes Off of You -- Andy Williams
• From Me to You -- Bobby McFerrin (Beatles cover)
• Beautiful People -- Bobby Vee
• Hey Julie -- Fountains of Wayne
• Ain't That a Kick in the Head -- Dean Martin
• I Will be Blessed -- Lisa Ekdahl
• My Baby Just Cares for Me -- Nina Simone
• Knock Me a Kiss -- Roy Eldridge w/ Anita O'Day
• You're Gonna See a Lot of Me -- Lisa Ekdahl
• Beyond the Sea -- Royal Crown Revue
• Love Makes the World Go Round -- Deon Jackson (from Something's Gotta Give)
• What a Little Moonlight Can Do -- Billie Holiday
• At Long Last Love -- Bill Henderson
• 1963 -- Rachael Yamagata
• Close to You -- Barenaked Ladies (Carpenters cover)
• White Wedding -- Herman's Hermits (Billy Idol cover!)
• My Love Is -- Diana Krall
• God Only Knows -- The Beach Boys
• I'm a Believer -- The Monkees
• You You You You You -- The 6ths
• Deed I Do -- Diana Krall
• Book of Dreams -- Dion (Springsteen cover w/ wedding lyrics)
• I Say a Little Prayer -- Dionne Warwick
• Dream a Little Dream -- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
• I Only Have Eyes for You -- The Flamingos (this one creeps out Mr T b/c of an old Buffy episode!)
• The Way I Am -- Ingrid Michaelson
• Till There Was You -- The Smithereens (Beatles cover)
• Exactly Like You -- Carmen McRae (also a great first dance song)
• So Much in Love -- Timothy B. Schmit (from Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
• Ma Cherie Amour -- Stevie Wonder

Dance Time

• First Dance:  Can't Help Falling in Love -- The Eels (a beautiful, heartfelt version of this classic)

• Parent Dance:  You Are the Sunshine -- Stevie Wonder

• We Want the Funk -- George Clinton
• Boogie Shoes -- KC & The Sunshine Band
• Twistin the Night Away -- Sam Cooke
• Everlasting Love -- Cal Carlton
• Friday I'm in Love -- The Cure
• I Don't Feel Like Dancing -- Scissor Sisters
• Hot Stuff -- Donna Summer
• Wake Me Up Before You Go Go -- Wham!
• Dancing With Myself -- The Donnas (Billy Idol cover)
• Crazy for You -- Madonna
• Dance Little Bird -- a/k/a THE CHICKEN DANCE!
• Little Child -- The Replacements (Beatles cover)
• Mambo Italiano -- Lido Brothers sampling Rosemary Clooney
• Sexbomb -- Tom Jones
• A Little Respect -- Erasure
• Shake Your Groove Thing -- Peaches & Herb
• Come Rain or Come Shine -- Billie Holiday (another great first dance choice)
• For Sentimental Reasons -- Nat King Cole
• I Want to Take You Higher -- Sly & The Family Stone
• Play That Funky Music White Boy -- Wild Cherry
• Surrender -- Cheap Trick
• One Way or Another -- Blondie
• Nowhere With You -- Joel Plaskett
• Ricky Wants a Man of Her Own -- Bruce Springsteen
• I Melt With You -- Modern English
• Can't Help Falling in Love -- reprise, with the Elvis verison
• We're All in the Dance -- Feist (Mr T discovered this beauty in the credits to Paris, Je T'aime.  We loooove it!)

An iPod Wedding Gone Horribly Wrong

In light of Miss Pineapple's recent post on iPod wedding music, it's time to share the tale of our biggest wedding disaster:

Because we had a budget wedding, and because I'm so picky about music that I couldn't leave our playlist in anyone else's hands, an iPod wedding sounded perfect.  We had only around 50 guests, so we didn't anticipate any trouble broadcasting to the dancefloor with a good set of speakers.  (For a fancier sound-system set-up, check here.)  I separated our pre-ceremony, cocktail hour, and dance playlists and set them to run in order so there would be no worry about choosing songs.  We asked Mr T's brother to serve as emcee so there'd be someone to provide introductions and transitions and move things along when necessary.  And, in addition to loading the playlists on my iPod, I burned copies on CD and we loaded extra copies onto Mr T's computer.  Just in case!


(Mr T tries desperately to fix the iPod)

Well, the iPod worked brilliantly for the ceremony (pre-ceremony love songs, processional and recessional).  The venue had a sound system, and we simply plugged in the iPod.  But cut to the reception, when my iPod stopped working.  And those multiple backups?  Left behind at the hotel.

Thankfully, our multi-talented photographer and her assistant stepped in to play DJ off their computer and an iPhone!  I'm terribly grateful that were still able to have a first dance and a parent dance, because they provided some lovely memories.  But I mourned the loss of our special first dance song and all the other playlists I'd lovingly (obsessively!) put together in the days before the wedding.

(What are we dancing to?  I have no idea!)

In the end, I'd still recommend an iPod wedding to anyone because of the cost and control advantages.  I believe our situation was just one of those bad-luck events that happen sometimes.  However, I definitely recommend making (and BRINGING) as many backups as possible!!!


(All photos by Punam Bean)

For those who are already married, what was your biggest wedding disaster?

Bubble-y Personality

In fact, I've rarely been described as "bubbly;" I'm actually quite shy.  But if there's one thing I never outgrew, it's a love of blowing bubbles.  So, when my parents helped brainstorm something to throw for our big post-ceremony exit, they had me at "bubbles!"

Small bottles of wedding bubbles are readily available at crafts stores like Michaels or on the Internet.  We went for the plain version (no doves or wedding cakes or whatnot) and piled them into a handled basket that I spray-painted white for the occasion.

After the ceremony, Mr. T and I went through the front doors of the Athenaeum and snuck around to a small garden at the back.  It was lovely to have a few minutes alone to reconnect, admire our rings, and giggle over the fact that we were actually married.



This interlude also gave the guests time to gather outside.  A designated friend passed bubbles to anyone who hadn't already grabbed them from the guestbook-and-hankie table.

And then everyone started to blow!  It was a fun way to keep occupied while they waited for us, and we were greeted by a magical sight when we came back through the building for our big exit -- framed by the open double doors, a riot of bubbles floating everywhere through the spring air.

And when we were done, they all just floated away.

(All photos by Punam Bean)

What will guests throw during your grand exit?  Anyone else going the bubble route?

Baha'i Weddings

As mentioned before, I am a Baha'i.  Mr. T leans Unitarian but doesn't actively practice.  And our ceremony was officiated by my father, who's ordained in the Community of Christ.  As with most "mixed" marriages, this raised questions about how to structure our wedding ceremony to meet everyone's needs.

(The 9-pointed-star lantern from my previous post, in action at the reception)

Mr. T didn't have any specific requirements of his own -- he just wanted to be happy with whatever we chose -- so we planned our ceremony around the Baha'i wedding requirements. There are 3 requirements for a Baha'i wedding:**

1.  Consent of the couple's parents.  Although parents may not arrange a marriage partner for their children, they must consent to the child's choice of partner before the marriage can take place.  This honors one's parents and helps to unite the families.

2.  A one-sentence vow: "We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God."  This simple vow encompasses all others because, as the teachings of any religion will tell you, to live by God's Will includes cultivating such virtues as honor, love, and fidelity.

3.  Two witnesses to the marriage vow.  My grandparents, who have been married for 65 years(!!), served as our witnesses.

(Grandma and Grandpa, circa 1943)

Because the Baha'i Faith does not have clergy, the local administrative body handles the details of ensuring that all civil and religious marriage requirements are met.  (Note to any Baha'i readers planning your wedding -- these details are handled by the Local Spiritual Assembly of the locale where you will hold your marriage ceremony, which may be different than your home community.)

There are no other specific marriage rites.  Most couples design a service to accompany the vows, but Baha'is are free to choose any readings, music, dance, food, dress, etc., that has special meaning to them.  In fact, the most memorable wedding I've attended was between a woman from Tonga and a man from Samoa -- they used traditional dances in their ceremony, including a group of men doing the Hakka!

Alas, our own wedding had no Hakka.  We followed the usual American format of a couple of readings, a short speech by the officiant, and an exchange of vows and rings.

We opened with a Baha'i marriage prayer read by my mother.  For readings, if left to my own choosing, we would have used excerpts from the "Baha'i Marriage Tablet" (which may be a talk instead of a Tablet, by one of the Central Figures of our Faith, unless it's by someone else).  But Mr. T found the language too "flowery," so we went with something secular.  Specifically, Marriage Joins Two People in the Circle of Its Love, by Edmund O'Neill, and a Hindu Marriage Blessing after our vows.

(Mom reading her prayer, handkerchief clutched in hand)

For vows, we chose the traditional "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc."  We considered some more modern vows (the "hippie vows," as Mr. T called them), but the language or grammar of those versions bugged us for one reason or another.  Also, we figured the traditional vows might mean more to us precisely because we've heard them so many times before.  Immediately after exchanging those vows, we said the Baha'i vow.

We chose to include the witnesses' signing of the marriage certificate as part of our ceremony.  After the vows, we had a musical interlude where we led my grandparents from their seats to a small table in the front and waited while they signed.  I love my grandparents tremendously and am in awe of both the length and strength of their marriage, so it means the world that they played this important role in our own marriage.

 

(Escorting Grandma and Grandpa back to their seats)  (Photos by Punam Bean)

What unique religious or cultural traditions will be a part of your ceremony?  How will you mix your traditions with those of your partner?

** Sorry for hijacking my own post, but I can't write about Baha'i weddings without mentioning that hundreds of thousands of Baha'is in the Middle East are persecuted for their religious beliefs.  Among other human-rights abuses, Iran and Egypt do not officially recognize most Baha'i marriages, with the result that married couples are considered to be living in sin and their children illegitimate.  

In a distressing sign that conditions aren't improving, the leaders of the Baha'i community in Iran were arrested last week.  Under a draft Islamic Penal Code currently before Iran's Parliament, their beliefs would earn the women life in prison (where "hardship will be exercised on her") and the men a mandatory death sentence.  If you're in the US and would like to help, please consider emailing your Representative to urge him or her to co-sponsor H.R. 1008, condeming the systematic persecution of the Baha'is in Iran.  Thank you, thus ends my PSA....
 

The Actual Hitched-Getting

Funny that the wedding ceremony is so often a side note in the wedding-planning process.  It's easy to get caught up in menus and floral arrangements and invitation wording, and forget the part that actually gets you married! 

But as it turned out (and perhaps not surprisingly), our ceremony was the most memorable and meaningful part of our day.

My father served as officiant.  I ran out of time at the end of our planning process and never got to make programs, so not everyone knew our officiant's secret identity.  But a few guests mentioned that they suspected as much, from the proud way Dad looked at me....

I have a health condition that makes it difficult to stand for more than a few minutes (POTS -- postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), so I was worried about making it through the ceremony.  Just in case, our attendants pulled up a couple of chairs and we sat through Dad's short speech.

In his speech, he told the story of an Ojibwa wedding tradition.  According to Dad (and paraphrased badly by me), at the start of the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom paddled their canoes from opposite sides of a lake to meet in the middle.  The separate shores represented the separate lives they led before, and the two families from which they came. 

After the wedding ceremony, the newly married couple paddled off together side by side.  Significantly, the bride did not leave her canoe to join his canoe, nor he to join hers.  Because when you marry, you do not give up your individual identity, nor the family and personal heritage that came before.  Rather, you join up together as partners and companions, traveling life's journey side by side....

After the ceremony and ring exchange, it was time for the first kiss.  This photo always gives me the giggles because of the way I'm grabbing Mr. T's head.  "C'mon, handsome, and give me a SMOOCH!"

And finally, my favorite moment of the day.  After the smooch, my father presented us as the newly married couple.  The crowd stood and applauded.  And the applause was THUNDEROUS!  There was hooting and whistling.  It seemed to go on and on.  The joy in the room was overwhelming.

This photo cracks me up too, because the expression on my face shows so exactly how I felt at the moment: "OMG, we really pulled this wedding thing off!!!" 

Greatest feeling in the world, my friends.

(photos by Punam Bean)

Wedding Day Details -- Ceremony

Our ceremony was held at The Athenaeum, in old town Alexandria, VA.  The room was a big, empty gallery space with beautiful natural light and a nicely historic feel.

The folding chairs belonged to the Athenaeum.  Our groomsmen and ushers set them up before the ceremony.  As much as I drool with desire over a pretty Chiavari ... these were free.  And, after all, people just sit in them.  (Or so I kept telling myself!)

When we visited a week before the wedding, the gallery was highlighting huge black-and-white paintings that were graphically striking but not at all in harmony with our wedding style.  Luckily, the day before our wedding, they switched to charming, slightly-vintage-y botanical paintings.

I was in love with our aisle runner, an "art-silk" sari I purchased through eBay for $25 (after shipping from India).  The ends were unfinished, but I just folded them under and stuck them down with double-sided carpet tape.  The sari fabric was attached to the floor at each end with the same tape. 

(Now, to figure out what to do with all that beautiful fabric!  Tablecloth?  Throw pillows?  Any suggestions?)

I'm a wedding cryer, so have a fascination with the whole Tears of Joy concept.  But Kleenex = eh.  And these handkerchiefs have a vintage feel that went beautifully with our wedding style.  I wasn't sure how to word the accompanying sign, but Mr. T provided a winner: "In the event of tears...."

Next to the hankies: a photo celebrating the memory of my father's parents (at their own "vintage" wedding).

(All photos by Punam Bean.)

I Want the Wedding Cake!

I'm not normally a big fan of YouTube, or of re-posting things I saw on other wedding blogs....  Which proves how much I loved this when I saw it on WeddingFanatic this morning!

(Note contains mild profanity.)

Do Clothes Make the Bride?

Maybe not, but they certainly influence the style of your wedding and the way you feel about yourself all day.... 

Here's a rundown of what I wore on our own Big Day.  (All made much more fabulous thanks to the photography of Punam Bean.)

Dress: Alfred Angelo 1839

Loved its vintage style and eBay price ($225), but the ease of wear was almost even better.  The train was manageable, I could sit, walk, and dance without trouble, and not once did I have to suck in my stomach, adjust the neckline, or otherwise worry about my dress in any way....  I was free to just enjoy myself and be a bride!

Red Shoes: No-Name Brand from eBay

Originally, I considered wearing beribboned ivory pumps for the ceremony and switching to these flats for the reception.  But I don't wear heels often, and after suffering through the rehearsal dinner in 3" heels, I swore it would be flats for the wedding day.  Turns out it was a great decision -- not only was I extremely comfortable, but my cheerful red shoes made me happy all day.  And the guests loved them too -- I got so many comments on my "ruby slippers."

And, in a funny coincidence, my mother showed up wearing the same shoes in gold!

Veil: Veilsbylana on eBay

I knew that I wanted a veil because wearing one made me feel "like a bride."  In fact, as soon as we put it on, my bridesmaids remarked that "wow, you were a bride before, but now you look like a BRIDE!!"

Beautifully crafted veils can run hundreds of dollars.  But you certainly don't have to shell out that much.  My version was $35 (including shipping) on eBay.  In fact, it was the most expensive version in the seller's whole store.  And it did the trick just fine.

Parasol:

I love the look of parasols in wedding photos, so I picked up a few red parasols for the bridesmaids from the Paper Lantern Store.  For myself, I bought a beautiful vintage Japanese parasol off eBay ... but as I opened it to show it to my MOH during our dressing hour, it EXPLODED!  Apparently, seven-decades-old paper = very fragile.  So, back to red!

Shawl: 

In my mind, our late-March wedding would enjoy beautiful, sunny, spring-like weather.  Sadly, the reality was much colder.  Thank heavens I panicked and picked up a shawl (a peacock, which I love, in red and turquoise like our wedding colors) from eBay a couple of weeks before the wedding.

Other Accessories:

I did carry a small clutch, which I purchased off eBay for less than $10.  I'm glad it was inexpensive, because in the end it just sat in a corner all day.  It would have been far easier to ask my MOH to carry my lipstick and handkerchief.

My ruby earrings were originally for sale in my own small eBay store, but I always loved them and wished I could keep them for my own.  It was so exciting when I realized they were red and perfect for my dress!  Sadly, I don't have much of a photo.

The shawl wasn't entirely warm enough, so I also resorted to an ivory wool coat that I already owned.  (From eBay, of course!  $40 from seller evaluebrands, which sells Bloomingdales catalog returns.)  And it looked fine, even over my dress.  Because, when in doubt, it's better to be warm than to suffer for fashion!  (Though, even growing up in Wisconsin in below-zero winters, I'm afraid it took me a while to learn that particular fashion philosohy....)

How will you accessorize your wedding day?

Get Ready, Get Set

Once I pulled my wedding dress out of the closet on the day before the wedding, I couldn't WAIT to put it on!  The morning of the wedding, I woke up bouncing up and down with excitement that I finally got "to wear my dress, wear my dress, wear my dresssssssss." 

After we finished with hair and makeup, the time finally arrived.  My MOH (a dear friend from college) and BM (Mr. T's beautiful sister) came to my room at the Hotel Monaco for the dressing and final preparations.

As much as I love the traditional photos of an army preparing the woman in the huge white dress, I didn't need much help with my simple, step-in-and-zip-up model.  In fact, the gals needed as much help as I did:

But my hair did need help -- major help.  Pieces started falling within an hour of my leaving the salon.  Thank heavens my MOH came pre-armed with extra bobby pins just in case!

Even more than the help, I appreciated having the special "girl time" together before the festivities began.

Love this shot of the bridesmaids' red shoes.

After one last coat of lipstick, we were out the door.  But not to the ceremony site just yet -- we had a bit of time for photos in the Hotel Monaco's colorful lobby. 

(Amazingly, the girls' wraps were not planned in any way!  Like the shoes and the dresses themselves, they were slightly different but coordinated so beautifully.)

(All photos by Punam Bean.)

Finally, it was time to walk the 3 blocks to the ceremony site, where we sequestered ourselves in the basement, had a bit to eat (literally, a single bite in my case -- so many things to attend to!), and I enjoyed the final moments of singledom....