Two Wishes

Technical Difficulties

The bad news -- my computer died.

The better news -- we were planning to replace it this week anyway. How's that for timing?!?

It does mean a few more days of blog silence. But if you're patient, I promise some excitement when I return. I'm having my first giveaway, and it's a good one!

Mother's Little Helper

So, yeah, I've been gone and now I'm back. Sadly, can't promise it won't happen again. Chronic fatigue and newborns don't mix.  

Which brings me to this:

Do you ever fantasize about developing a drug addiction? 'Cause I'm thinking amphetamines might be really useful right about now.* Sure, I saw the Very Special Episode of Family Ties** in which Alex P. Keaton tried amphetamines to help him study and wound up obsessively cleaning house instead. But what if your house needs cleaning? Then it's a good idea, right?

Which brings me to this:

Some friends recently gave me Mommy Knows Worst, a humorous look at questionable parenting advice from the early parts of the 20th Century. And one excerpt was from a pamphlet on the evils of soothing syrups. Which were, in a word (or two): Baby Opiates.*** Of course the logical part of my brain thought "Egad, people really did unhealthy things Way Back in the Day, didn't they?" But that other part of my brain? Wondered whether they still sell them.

* Except, how would one go about procuring them? Go up to the nearest street dealer (it's DC, we've got plenty) and say "Excuse me, sir, may I have a jar of Uppers?"

** Yes, my 20-something friends ... I am that old.

*** Great summary from a Patent Medicine website:  "Companies like Sears and Wards had large sections devoted to the sale of patent medicines in their catalogs. One such remedy was called 'Soothing Baby Syrup' which claimed to stop your baby from crying. It contained opium and really worked. The problem was that baby became an opium fiend."

Exorcist Scene, or This Week at Our House?

We switched Elsa's formula, and she's having adjustment issues. In other words: projectile vomiting. This week she had one epic spit-up that got all over herself, Daddy, our sheets, and the cat.  

Did I mention there was so much it was on the cat? It was on the cat! 

(In related news, cats are really funny when they're pissed.)

And Suddenly, DC is Popular

My hometown is currently having a teen-makeover-movie moment. Personally, I was OK with DC when it was the geeky kid with glasses, the one in the sensible clothes who bored people at parties with a little too much policy talk. But then the coolest boy in school claimed DC as his own. And suddenly, all the other kids want to hang out here too.

(Yes, this IS my best Photoshop effort. Also, I had a crush on Patrick Dempsey in this movie and therefore called dibs long before all the McDreamy nonsense.)

Need proof? Among other things, DC is the hottest new site for reality shows. First there was CW's new July show Blonde Charity Mafia (based on a group called Late Night Shots, which, don't even get me started). Sarah Jessica Parker is producing a new HBO show based on Washingtonienne (fiction, and it apparently shoots in Baltimore, but it fits my theme so we'll run with it). Mr T and I recently learned that a producer from The Real Housewives of New Jersey is moving into our building, and sure enough it appears The Real Housewives of DC is in the works. And now local hiring has begun for The Real World: DC.

Let's face it -- when these shows hit the air, I will watch. After all, this is my town. But I strongly question how much "reality" will actually make the air. It was the "Real Housewives" that first got me thinking: I am the only "real housewife" I know (by disability, but still). And based on other incarnations of the Bravo series, I predict the chosen women will not even vaguely resemble my own real life, in all its sleep-deprived, baby-weight, hoping-to-make-it-to-a-museum-someday, living-in-700sf-so-you-can-afford-Capitol-Hill glory.

In some ways, that's kind of sad. Sure, my life doesn't offer much by way of trendy shopping or fabulous fundraisers. But when Mr T and I walked the dog last night, within 20 feet we were greeted first by a Congressman and then by a trio of African-American homeless people. To me, juxtapositions like that speak volumes on the real DC. It may not make for good TV, but personally I find that reality -- the real reality -- all the more interesting.

Elsa at 3 Months

This week, Elsa turns 3 months old. And thankfully, everyone's reassurances have proven true -- life does seem to grow easier around this magical 3-month mark. She still won't sleep lying down, but thanks to her carseat we don't need to hold her 100% of the time. Her 1-2 hours of sleep are now 2-3; not exactly sleeping through the night, but enough that we stopped alternating all-night shifts and started sleeping in our own bed.

But the biggest transformation has been in mood. Over the past few weeks, Elsa grew happy. She spends her days cooing, squealing with delight, smiling big gummy grins.... Basically, she has become the most delightful baby in the history of babies. (I don't feel qualified to judge her looks dispassionately -- even if people say she's cute, isn't that what you'd tell a parent? -- but I'm certain this personality thing is completely objective. Why, the other day, I actually woke up thinking "I cannot wait to spend the day with my charming baby!" And trust me ... that hasn't exactly been my first thought for most of these past months.)

Now if we could only capture that contagious smile in a photo! I'm afraid mildly skeptical is much more par for the course.

Random Trivia Answer

Did you figure out what the 4 people from my last post have in common?  If so, then you, too, work far too many crossword puzzles! The names are very, very common crossword clues. 

(Work NY Times puzzles but never noticed before? Trust me, now you will....)

Why is this on my mind?  Insomnia + a book of 500 Sunday puzzles = a certain kind of insanity. I'm closing in on the first 100 (in 2 months of solving), and it's doing strange things to my brain. But it does at least build an odd set of trivia knowledge. For example, if you ever need to know the difference between an eft (young newt) and an ent (Tolkein tree creature), I'm your woman.

P.S., you know how I feel about a bargain.... So I just had to point out that, at $12 on Amazon, this is probably the best money-for-entertainment-time ratio you'll ever find!

Random Trivia Question

Question: What do these four people have in common?

Comic Actress Terri Garr

Actor Esai Morales

Musician/Producer Brian Eno (does he look like the serial killer from Silence of the Lambs here, or is that just me? ... I mean, seeing the resemblance ... not, you know, serial... oh, never mind)

Israeli statesman Abba Ebban

Know the answer?  Then you probably spend too much time pursuing the same hobby that consumes my own insomniac nights....

(Image source one, two, three, four)

Wedding Photos Are Up!

As is the way of these things, Punam Bean posted Sister-in-Law's wedding photos on a day I didn't make it online to see them....  

  

If you also missed seeing Punam's stunning images yesterday, I heartily suggest you head to her blog and check them out ASAP!!!

Dogs on Trains

From the June issue of Harper's:

...a Russian zoologist found that stray Muscovite dogs had adjusted to post-Soviet urban life by commuting from the suburbs on trains. The dogs, who prefer the front- and rearmost cars and occasionally miss their stops when they fall asleep, have also learned to obey traffic lights in spite of their color blindness.

To an extent, I desperately want to know why the dogs commute in the first place. But I fear context might disturb the fanciful images this strange little snippet leaves in my mind.**

** (In my head, many of the dogs have briefcases. And bowler hats.)

A Month of Fabulousness

From May 15 - June 15, I plan to partake of a Month of Fabulousness.

Will spare you the blah blah blah of why this is necessary. Suffice it to say that lack of employment and long illness left me feeling useless and bleh even before we had a baby and any concept of personal time flew out the window. Many days, I don't even get to shower. It's no way to live, and it has left me feeling rather negative about my current place in the world.

End result: still much like this. But with red toenails (and hopefully an improved self-image).

Hence, my Plan of Fabulousness.  (Or, technically speaking, my Plan of Small Amounts of Fabulosity That Will Fit Within the Edges of Life With Baby....)  In the next month, I will:

- Visit one museum

- Photograph one roll of film

- Paint my toenails red

- Get a real haircut (not at the $18 beauty school)

- Make 3 much-needed doctor's appointments so my body's taken care of

- Read only light, fluffy books (maybe with some literature thrown in, as I am prone to sugar headaches)

- Look through old photos to remember where I've been

- Make a "life list" to remind me where I'm going

- Donate my wedding dress (finally) so another woman can feel fabulous

Extra Bonus Points for clearing out the baby's room, working on my book, or any form of exercise....  

(Now to fight my procrastinatory impulses, so I'm not rushing around in early June trying to do it all!)

What would you include in your own Plan of Fabulousness?